Ya le cayo caca al paste neta tengo 0 problemas con que alguien se quede en mi casa por cualquier razon mi casa siempre es un lugar seguro que me niego a negarle a alguien pero hoy llego el mismo familiar que siempre llega y no me gusta que venga ya, lo e dejado muy en claro porque es sucio y vicioso y ya no esta en recuperación, se que hay recaidas pero el no parece querer ayuda, va al doctor lo mandan a urgencias y nunca va, ¿¿¿¿si se muere aqui que mierda hago???? no deberia de ser mi responsabilidad directamente le he dicho que no puede estar aqui si no esta en tratamiento pero nadie me escucha, es muy frustrante. segun solo vino a guardar cosas pero ahora tal vez se quede la noche y si se queda la noche se queda mas tiempo, ya vivio aqui 10 años y ya me harto de solo verlo, cache al esposo de mi mamá escondio sus botellas de cerveza en el patio de atras y le grite que las tirara a la basura ¿que hizo despues de eso? me respondio ¿que hago? y siguio ignorandome.



No me puedo ir de aqui, ya lo intente y salio de lo mas patetico y demente de lo que se pueden imaginar, no soy discapacitada pero ese evento me hizo cuestionarme si alguna vez podre tener una vida de adulto normal. ¿sera que ellos tambien ven algo en mi que no es normal y por eso no me escuchan? ¿estoy asi de loca?. Estos momentos se sienten como esas escenas de pelicula donde en un cuarto lleno de personas todos se quedan callados y uno entra en panico creyendo que se quedo sordo o el tiempo se detuvo porque nadie responde cuando les habla ni cuando empieza a gritar a todo pulmon porque algo esta terriblemente mal.



Tal vez no deba dejar que me afecte tanto, debo de salir al cine o por un helado y todo estara bien cuando regrese, tal vez solo necesito respirar.

Esta semana a sido buena es i primer semana fuera del servicio social y la e llenado de actividades variadas y necesarias desde maratonear series de terror en islas e ir al dentista, toda la semana e batallado para tener hambre y justo hoy que no debo comer por la anestesia quiero comer algo por cosas asi me caigo mal.

En un lado mas positivo aproveche estos dias para poneme uñas. pestañas, quitarme las uñas y pintarlas, sacarme la ceja, maquillarme, plancharme el cabello, enchinarme el cabello, preparar mis papeles para el titulo y limpiar a fondo mi closet.



YYYYYY REDOBLE DE TAMBORES POR FAVOR ¡¡¡Mi papá viene a la ciudad!!! lo cual es un milagro del Padre para mi porque esta semana no a sido facil para mi, hay varias cosas que me tienen incomoda en mi propia casa e incluso antes de que el me dijera que venia yo estaba haciendo gimnasia mental para pedirle que me llevara con el y como debia arreglar todo para que mis bebe perrunos estuvieran cuidados pero con su salud como a estado no veia como pedirle eso a mi pa, y ahora el viene porque Dios me cumple mis deseos, se que enserio me ama.

Espero todo salga bien y podamos disfrutar el camino incluso etoy haciendo un playlist para el camino, solo seran un par de horas manejando pero estoy segura de que sera increible.

 Ahora esperare como princesita en mi ventana mirando el horizonte a que lleguen por mi, con permiso 

I think today is a good day to write in here beacouse is a day to celebrate, to day is my very last day being an intern, I have mixed feelings about what that means Im a full grow adult and now an uneployed one jajajajajaja, in this economy doesnt feel like a failure just a long waiting proces we all go thrug.

I can´t belive we make it this far even with all the support it looked so far away and now is here im going to be a LICENCIADA is so out of my imaginatio, my dad is also very happy and proud he says he feels like he had also end his university. Im also super very proud of my beutyful marvelous and so so so so so brilliant carrer companions, my classmates who I did worked with, they many times help me pull my weight back up and I could never thank them as much as I am for having them, I thank God to let us croos our paths in this place o we can be collegues in a future I love them so much, this beutiful girls deserve to be lisend so our work field can improve.

I plan to keep in close contact with them they are great womens that exceed expectations I gave my heart to them and they strengthen it, Im sure we all gonna shine in this world.

This last weeks have been an stresing horror, I feel like funtional shit. the first thing that happened was that my mom got bitten by my dog (my sweet little baby dog) bit my mom on the HEAD, and I know i just called him baby but he is a four years old husky so it was pretty bad, not as bad as it could had been but still bad, it got blody and all of that, she says it was not an attack that my dog seems regret full and I can see that too I mean he is part of the family now is my sweet baby who protects me and my mom is very protective of him too, she says nothing has to hapend to him but I still feel guilt becouse maybe if i had taken him out for walks more often it could have not happened and also my mom got bitten on the head, is crazy and im in charge of her woud care or at least I was until yesterday when she leaved, that leave me to the other stresfull things of the week.

My mom was planing to leave on agust 1st and I was cool with that we planed everything and I mean last week with her for a while I bought us tikets for a pool night with movies, I ask a friend to go with me to drop her at the airport, I ask this friend to come to my city cuz´she lives 4 hours away so this was gonna be an adventure. my mom was making me a flower band that I was planning to use on my last week on work, I even got her a seweng job for this week on friday and i specifically ask her to "please scheduel her time" becouse she use to overbook herself an work thill midnight and is not necesary. Then sudenly 5 hours later she start saying to me that she planed another stuff for this monday and that it was just a small job that they can find another pearson to do it, in that moment I knew that what she planed was crazy cuz´she didn´t want to tell me to my face .

She had just agree to go on a road trip with her sister from california to yellowstone, she was going to idaho on plane, she is not super old but she is not young neighter, and she got super intense like she was telling me I could drive her to a super far away place I had never been with her husband as companion and that her and my aunt were gonna leave and we could stay on the hotel to rest like way would it be okay for me to spend the nigth with her husband on a hotel? (I first knew him when I was 21) and we still had to check the car that was failing but she had to leave on less that 24 hours so it was impossible, I told her I coud´nt do it and she got sad and I couldn handel it so I say yes but I was mad for everything, she leaving early, not caring for our plans, she being super intense and not caring about her wouds, I thing I had the right to be mad; and THEN she leave to another compromise she had friday night and she told me she´ll be back for her woud care but she didn´t, she came back at 1 am saturdayI was super tiered.



Next morning after I speaked of this with my cousings we talk calmly and I said I wasn´t gonna drive her 8 hours into another country becouse it was crazy the last plan was a 30 minuts drive to the airport, and thanks god she reconsidered and also thinked it was too much and if I was mad for the car check up it wasn´t worth it (probably she try to minimise all she said the last day or probably she just wanted to go direct to the point)and she now wanted to go on bus, I offered to drive her to de boarder but she ignored that option and insisted, cancelled her plane ticket and she leaved.



I stayed mortifide for her wounds, and her meds, she wasn´t supposed to sweat, but still she leaved, this is exhausting, am I being mean? she really loves yellowston and all of the other series they have, this feels awful I fell horrible.

I just start rewatching Legion for like the fourth time, I really love Sid and David relatiónship , Kerry and Cary too and all those beutiful escenes with their lights and camera tricks, but why make the episodes so long?. As someone who see movies as tv shows sometimes spliting them in pieces to apreciate them, this show is as enyoable as hard to end for me.

Good for me I really like the first episode, I like to see it as a movie that never got a sequel but fantasticly whenever I want to know what hapend next I can just play the next episodes, It´s a very pleasant expearience for me jajajajaja.



I wish I could do the same with the movie jump or heroes, I have never see any profesional critic about those movies but I thing they are some of the greatest histories of super powers ever made.



If any of you have a story like those please tell me 

I don´t have a chat on whatsapp with myself to put everything I want to check later and things I want to pass to may phone, I have a chat with my cousing old phone nuber and I thing that defines me.

I´m desperate to leave, i really want to take my vacations they are so close and i can bare it any more